Bullying is a word we often associate with childhood, playgrounds, and fleeting moments of conflict. But for children and adults with ADHD, bullying can be a chronic experience with lasting effects. In episode 74 of our podcast, Focus Forward, ADHD coach and author Brooke Schnittman shared her personal journey of being bullied from childhood into adulthood. Her story highlights the profound ways these experiences can shape self-worth, executive function, and mental health, and is the inspiration for this post. In it, we’ll explore what research shows about ADHD and bullying, signs to watch for, and strategies for building resilience and self-acceptance.
The Hidden Impact of Bullying on Neurodivergent Individuals
Children with ADHD face a statistically higher risk of being bullied than their neurotypical peers. According to the National Survey of Children’s Health, nearly 47 percent of children with ADHD report being bullied, more than double the rate for children without ADHD. These numbers reflect more than just unpleasant experiences at school. Chronic bullying can create a long-lasting negative narrative, undermining confidence, focus, and even physical health.
Adults with ADHD are at risk for bullying as well, as Brooke experienced until she was 35! This bullying can strengthen the negative narrative that is likely already running rampant in their minds. Just as children experience, adults who are bullied feel and see the profound impact bullying can have on their quality of life, self-esteem, and mental health.
Regardless of age, the challenges of ADHD, such as difficulty with attention, slower processing speed, and emotional regulation struggles, can inadvertently help neurodivergent individuals become targets. Bullies often pick up on differences, especially those that make children seem vulnerable or socially awkward. Repeated exposure to criticism and exclusion not only affects self-esteem but also floods the brain with stress hormones like cortisol. As we have covered in many Focus Forward episodes, stress can impair executive functioning, creating a cycle where ADHD symptoms and bullying effects reinforce each other.
It is also common for individuals with ADHD to internalize bullying, creating an ongoing cycle of self-blame and perfectionism. Teasing or exclusion can feel personal and permanent. Adults who experienced childhood bullying may remain hyper-aware in professional settings, scanning constantly for threats in their environment, being unsure how to interpret others’ behavior, or being hyper-aware of potential criticism. We will take a look at this again later on in this post.
Recognizing Bullying Signs in ADHD Individuals
One of the most challenging aspects of supporting neurodivergent children or adults is recognizing when bullying is happening. The signs can be subtle or overlap with normal ADHD challenges, making it easy to misattribute them to academic struggles or personality traits.
Behavioral and emotional signs may include social withdrawal, refusing to attend school or work, frequent absences, mood regulation difficulties, or people-pleasing behavior that goes beyond the person’s typical behavior. Cognitive signs can present as forgetfulness, difficulty maintaining focus, or brain fog. Physical or somatic signs might include frequent headaches, stomach aches, fatigue, or sleep disturbances. Again, these are often symptoms of ADHD or other diagnoses, so it can be difficult to determine what’s going on if the person being bullied does not share their experience with someone.
Proactive Strategies for Parents and Caregivers
Parents play a crucial role in buffering the effects of bullying. Parents can help equip their children with practical tools for navigating hostile social environments. Proactive strategies can help children build confidence and resilience before conflicts escalate. Additionally, these proactive strategies help strengthen their developing Executive Function skills.
Teaching social and communication skills is an important place to put your effort. Children with ADHD may struggle to express themselves or assert boundaries effectively, making them easy targets. Parents can practice social scripts together, such as saying, "That is not okay" or "I don’t like that, please stop." Practicing these scripts aloud helps children respond automatically in real situations because the words are familiar and come more easily due to practicing them.
Role-playing common scenarios can also be very effective. By simulating situations like teasing, exclusion, or name-calling, children gain practice in responding with calm confidence. Just like the script practice we just mentioned, these role-playing opportunities build both self-assurance and faster processing in moments of stress. Strengthening children’s working memory skills benefits in multiple ways, including this!
Enhancing boundary-setting skills is another key component. Parents can help children recognize the physical or emotional signals that a boundary has been crossed and practice clear responses. Children’s Executive Function skill of metacognition is not fully developed, so they benefit from this practice. Over time, children learn to maintain their authenticity and playfulness while signaling what is acceptable to others. Setting boundaries is something that we need to do throughout our entire lives, so practicing this as children can be extremely helpful now and in the future.
Finally, creating a safety plan at school or in community settings can provide a practical safety net. Identify trusted adults such as teachers, counselors, or mentors whom the child can approach when needed. Consider alternative strategies for times or places where bullying is more likely, such as adjusting seating arrangements or finding supervised spaces for lunch or recess.
Intervention Steps for Adults
For adults navigating workplace bullying or harassment, proactive steps and documentation are critical. Because bullying, or the effects of early bullying, often persist into adulthood, as Brooke experienced and has seen in her clients, education around workplace bullying is critical. Adults who are being bullied can take steps to protect themselves. People in upper-level management can take steps to protect their employees and create a culture of safety for everyone.
Many of the strategies for children may be useful for adults, too. Role-playing or practicing scripts may feel silly in the moment, but it is a powerful tool that can make it easier to set boundaries and communicate with others.
Managing hyper-awareness is essential for those who have experienced bullying as children. Research shows that childhood bullying can lead to paranoid thoughts and misappraisal of potential bullying. Adults can try to pause before reacting to a potentially threatening comment and ask themselves, "What are the facts, and what story might my brain be filling in?" This practice separates reality from the echoes of past trauma.
Documenting incidents is another important strategy that should not be overlooked. Keep a detailed record of what happened, when it occurred, who was present, and what was said or done. This log can be invaluable if formal intervention through HR or other channels becomes necessary. If you have additional documents or evidence of bullying, be sure to gather that, too. Consulting a mentor, ally, or mental health professional before filing any reports can be helpful throughout the process.
Reframing Negative Self-Beliefs
As Brooke explained on the podcast (and experienced herself), bullying often creates a strong, internal narrative that distorts people’s self-perception. Neurodivergent individuals may hear thousands more negative messages than their neurotypical peers during childhood. For the ADHD brain, negative comments get stuck and become part of the narrative, while positive feedback seems to slip away. Left unchecked, this internalized criticism fuels perfectionism, anxiety, and self-doubt that last long into adulthood. This is a common story we hear from our Beyond BookSmart coaching clients.
We Executive Function coaches love to use reframing exercises to provide concrete ways to rebuild self-worth. One powerful method is the "tabling it" exercise, which I learned from my therapist. Start by writing the core negative belief on top of a drawn table. On the four legs, write down four supporting negative thoughts/statements. Now, going from leg to leg, work to reframe each negative statement into a positive, believable (and true!) statement. Cross out the old belief and write down the new one. Now, try restating (and rewriting) the negative belief that you wrote on top of the table. Refer back to the table when you begin to doubt yourself.
Self-Acceptance for Neurodivergent Individuals
Ultimately, the goal of healing from bullying is self-acceptance. For neurodivergent individuals, this often means challenging the need for constant compensation or perfection. It means embracing authenticity and recognizing that personal value is not tied to performance, social approval, or external validation.
Recovery and resilience involve building tools, seeking support, and practicing conscious reframing. It is also about celebrating small successes, maintaining perspective, and acknowledging the inherent strengths that ADHD brings, such as creativity, curiosity, and energy. By focusing on authentic self-expression and surrounding oneself with understanding communities, individuals can move from surviving the impact of bullying to thriving in life.
I love what Brooke had to say about this: “You don't have to earn your worth through constant overcompensation, masking, [or] perfectionism. It's impossible, right? You're already enough exactly as you are. There's hope out there, but be who you are, and you're enough even on the messy days.”
The Takeaway
Bullying is never a simple experience, and for neurodivergent individuals, its effects can ripple across decades. Awareness, proactive strategies, supportive coaching and therapy, and the deliberate rebuilding of self-worth are essential for navigating these challenges. The lessons from my conversation with Brooke remind us that while we cannot always prevent bullying, we can empower children and adults to recognize their value, establish boundaries, and cultivate resilience. Healing is a journey, and with the right tools, guidance, and community, it is possible to move from internalized self-doubt to a confident, authentic life.
Whether you are a parent, educator, or adult reflecting on your own experiences, the key takeaway is this: your worth is inherent, your strengths are real, and with the right strategies and support, you can reclaim your confidence and thrive. An Executive Function coach can be an important part of this support team, helping children or adults build practical skills for organization, planning, emotional regulation, and boundary-setting. By working alongside therapists, parents, and other trusted adults, an Executive Function coach can provide tailored guidance to navigate challenging social situations, manage stress, and strengthen resilience, making the path toward self-confidence and authentic living more achievable.
